Last night I had a dream where I went to drive a car and a cassette played on the radio, it was John's clear voice, the only thing it said was:
" I am very angry and disappointed"
While I had seen him and many of my late relatives in my dreams frequently, this is the first time, that I was able to hear his voice in the most clear way as if he was still so alive. This is such a strong message from the other side and I can understand why he might feel that way.
While the other side has proven to be a really nice peaceful and calm place, I believe that sometimes our late relatives get sad and unhappy as to how things unfold, drama, hate, and issues that arise and develop when someone in the family is gone.
Sometimes, we as widows and grieving families become so angry at a dead loved One, and it is such a waste of time and emotions (guilty as charged), because when someone dies, that is it, he/she is gone and can only exist in a spiritual way.
It takes a lot of emotional exercises to really realized that the dead Loved One did his/her best and that was it. And when he/she failed us, it was only out of ignorance. And finally, we have to remember that we were loved unconditionally by him/her.
John knew he was dying, and he chose death, because he refused over and over to seek medical help. It was his choice and with that I live. As much as I loved and cared for him, it was his choice to refuse the ambulance on his first small stroke, his choice to lie to the doctor about not having chest and left arms pains, his choice to not want to go to an emergency rooms 3 days before his death date when he told me he wasn't feeling good.
So, yes, I can truly understand his message. I can sleep really well at night on my own.
