Friday, August 12, 2016


God is Omnipresent, God is here, there, and all over at the same time. God is everything, God is unlimited. As humans we are restricted to human thinking, so is difficult for some people to grasp the concept or understand the reality and presence of God. God doesn't have a body, He is in all bodies, Auras, and matter. He is dimensionally unlimited.

As a human, I searched for Him, I nagged Him, I talked to Him, I prayed, I asked questions, and in the back of my mind, I was full of doubts about Him being here and listening, I thought that I was too insignificant to be listen to. Guess what, He always listen, He is always around, once He is called upon.

My spiritual search, which is my own journey, and only me can understand, I will try to write in a simple form and hopefully, you the reader can "get it". My search has been inspired by the deep love I have for God and by my curiosity.

God answers: The way that God answers and communicate with us, varies in many different ways. He does it by giving us signs, or  by an inner voice that one hears and one knows, the voice is not from you, but a voice that is really speaking to you. And sometimes, His voice will be real, where one can hear it in their ears (which is rare to happen). One must be a truly Divine person to hear the voice in actuality by the sense of the Ears.

It is very interesting how the medical field acknowledges that people hear voices and label them as mentally insane (schizophrenia), yet the medical field won't admit that indeed God talks to some people. Yes, it is true, some people do hear voices and are mentally sick, just like some Divine people also hear God's voice and communicate with Him, just like Paramahansa Yogananda did.

As I read books from Paramahansa Yogananda, there is no doubt in my mind that he had direct communion and direct communication with God. As someone who visited his home The Mother Center in CA and Lake Shrine, I can confirm that he did. He was bigger than what I thought to my
astonishment. His books are Divinely inspired.

With this post I hope to help those in understanding the ways God talks and answers. Since, I had to figure it out on my own, and it took me many years to do so. I hope this will open up the minds of some people who are in the same quest as I was. While, I wasn't sure about writing this, I do believe that God wanted me to share, and so I did. Faith can be controversial and is something that many times, is better not to share or talk about it.

By no means, I am trying to say or imply that I am a saint, this is just my own spiritual quest and findings. I am as human as you are.

I will admit to having had a real communion with God. If you experience it, you will know what it is and what it feels like.

An authentic communion with God doesn't happen when one is taking those communion classes in church, it happens when One goes into meditation focused on God.

My God is your God.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Foreskin and Body Heat

Foreskin helps the male body retain body heat. As I was volunteering at a fund raising event were everyone was to be dressed only in underwear, I greeted all of my friends with a hug as I always do. It caught my attention that one of my male friends who is from Europe, had a very warm body, and when I say warm, it was almost as if he had a small fever. Since we were all in our underwear I got to touch their backs and bellies as I hugged all of them.

All the American male friends had a colder or not warm body temperature at all, they had more like a room temperature. Which I was so curious as to why that friend from Europe had such a warm body, so I asked him "How come your body was so warm?" I was worried, maybe he was sick for that event. His answer was plain and simple "It is because of the Foreskin Aura, it helps to keep the body heat"

I was amazed and shocked at the new information. Then I started to see the correlation of warm body heat and Foreskin. I asked a few friends if they knew about this correlation and nobody will say that they knew or read about this. As I believe it is true and started to pay attention to all the friends and family that I hugged, it proves to be right in my experience.

No wonder why my 2 male sons have a warm body heat as well. As I searched on the web for more information I didn't see any articles about Foreskin and Body Heat, which I hope someone in the medical field will take notice and do some formal studies. This is one more reason why Foreskin is healthy and natural for males babies and it must be kept intact.

I encourage everyone to take notice of male body heat and see what I am writing about.

Friday, November 20, 2015

The Presence of God

  In my quest for soul satisfaction going into very deep meditations, I had been able to feel such a strong presence of God in my life and around me, that I even get my mind shocked, and I think how can some people not believe in God?!

  Little things that makes life sweet, funny, and interesting. Like the other evening my son got upset at me, he left my place with my car keys. He wanted to take the car for a drive. I didn't know of his plans until I saw him walk back in with a worried look. He said "Something's wrong with your ignition, your car is not turning on"

  So first, I was shocked at what he tried to do, second I joke on him on how God is in my side and didn't let him drive my car ( I had the best laugh), third my car never had a problem of that matter.

  When I went to check on my car, I noticed that the steering column had locked and it didn't allow the ignition to turn on, something that is very normal on cars to do, however my car had never done that. I unlocked the steering column and drove my car.

   For me that was like such a true act of God showing me that he is with me. I was really happy to feel God's presence in such a way.

Saturday, June 20, 2015


In my life, I have seen 3 people die in front of me. A child who was about 9 months old, who was sick and died in the hospital bed, while I was there doing my volunteer hours in order to graduate from High School in the D.R. My Great Grand Mother, Maria Pena, who died in her 90's sleeping calmly in her bed surrounded by many family members. and when John passed, my husban. I was there till his last breath. He was breathing peaceful like a baby, it was as if a candle had expired.

Seeing someone die is something that really stays with you for ever and ever. When the child died, I had many feelings, me being a child myself, I was 16 years old at that time. I didn't talk to anyone about it, and it is the first time, I am writing about it, because, it happened again with John's transition into another state of being. I have a hard time calling Death, Death. because, as I have learned, Death is not the end, the spirit never dies. It goes on to another dimension another type of world or state of being. I had visited the place in my dreams many times, and it is absolutely gorgeous and more than amazing place. Amazing and Gorgeous are words short of really defining that place. This is why I am  strongly opposed to the death penalty, Death is not a punishment, but a liberation from this painful and unbalanced world.

Visiting those places in my dreams, had helped me to overcome fear of Death, fear of the unknown. Believe me,... that place is great, people don't hate each other, there is no negative feelings, there is no punishment, there is only peace, calm, alignment, happiness and beauty there. I have mental pictures of it.

When John transitioned on 3/30/15, the nurse call me from hospice to ask me to be there because by the way he was breathing, they knew, he was going to transit soon. I got there after work by 7pm. I kissed him, touched him, held his hand, talked, and prayed for him. He was sleeping nicely and calm, just like a baby. As his time got closer, his breathing was turning slower, and it actually sounded like a newborn baby breathing, just like a real baby. Then in the final moments, he gasped for air a few times, with interrupted breathing, slowly, till I heard no more the sound of his breathing, by that time, I looked at him, since I was sitting right next to him, and I saw him expired at 11:00PM. I closed one eye that was open after his transition, the nurse told me thank you for doing that.

I went out of the room to get the nurse, she saw him and started to fill out papers. When I returned to the room with the nurse, I saw his body and withing 7 minutes, his body was like I had never seen it before, extremely pale white, it was a very shocking and painful for me to see his body like that, I left the room and didn't dare to touch him. I could not go back in there and see him like that, it was extremely painful.

I was used to seeing a very  radiant, strong, loud, healthy John. I was his shadow, I loved being his tail. I babied and pampered him all the time. After more than 19 years and 5 months of companionship, we were the rare couple who could live together and work together, we enjoyed each other's companionship. I used to put my fingers and hands on anything he was working on to help him out. We were addicted to each other, if one of us would go out for 1 or 2 hours alone to do an errand, it felt like a very long time. Sometimes, I would go somewhere to do an errand for like 20 minutes and when I came back, he would say "I missed you!" or if he went out for a few minutes, when he came back he would ask "Did you missed me?!"

John told me so many times, " I love you" that even after his passing, I can hear his voice clearly in my mind say "I love you". It was like one of those songs that get stuck to your head and you keep hearing it, that is what I feel.

We had an agreement that we were gonna reach old age together. After so many years, we still fell asleep holding hands and hugging. I feel that life dealt me a shitty card and now I have to learn how to make the best of it.

The mental picture of how his face looked with the eye open when his spirit left the body, is a pretty sad one, that stays in my mind for ever as well. I don't know where all the courage came from, for me to be able to do, see, and experience this, I will say that meditations helped me a lot. At that time, I was like, is nature, we are all going to pass and expire, well, after 2 months of his transition, it is when reality has hit me, and I had found myself in dark and dangerous grieving places, where I had been crying myself to sleep. During the day, everything is all fine and normal, but when night hits, I better make sure that I am tired enough to pass out and go to sleep, because if I don't, is not a pretty good night.


Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Mis Poemas y locos pensamientos

"Fuck You Tomorrow"
Don't love me Tomorrow,
I will no save Love for tomorrow,
Love me today, and only today, for all I care,
I only have Today.
I don't care for the Tomorrows, the Tomorrows don't exist, the Tomorrow is irrelevant, fuck Tomorrow, love me today,
for today is all I have.

The song that inspired this poem:


I am Him, he is Me. In me you are, in me your stay. So Into each other that there is no ending, there is not beginning, there is no Me, there is no You, there is just Being.
I am, You are. It is.


When one is afraid of the unknown, dare to know it.
Take her to those unknown planets,
Make her see those unknown stars,
Let her see a other universes,
allow her to experience that.
Take her there,
if you don't want to go on that journey,
let her go, let her experience it.
Experience limitless.
Unknown places are the most exciting places.
Unknown stars are the shiniest ones. How can those unknown stars be unknown?... maybe because one didn't open their eyes to begin with?...

Love is a burning game, where we absolutely know, we are gonna get burn and fucked up, yet, we all wanna play that
AuraIam 6.19.15

*** When you have sex with someone, indirectly, you are also having sex with their 1th, 2th, 3th, 4th , 40th, or 70th...or whatever number exes they had. 
Thought of the day. STD awareness. 
AuraIam 6.2215

My mind was broken,
My soul was even worst,
tiredness took over my all,
I broke to almost dust,
I fell asleep under your light,
You shined on me all night,
You loved me with your light.
You  regenerated my body and soul,
with your moon light.
Will never forget my first night falling asleep under your light,
So alone, yet so loved.

Long Island has the best moon light ever.
I love Long Island.
#longisland #Moon #longislandforever #sleep #night

*** To be continued...

My Journey 6.9.15

Last night I dreamed that me and John were inside a nice church. I told him "John, you know you are dead right?!"
He burst into screaming and yelling really loud, and angry in rage, just like he used to do when he was alive and was angry at anything. He didn't know that he was dead, he was extremely upset that I told him, he wouldn't accept it. It was heart breaking for me.

I felt sad and scared. In real life, I wouldn't tell John things to try to keep him calm and not let him get angry, since he had a hot, short temper and would get angry and upset very easily for any little thing. He just didn't know how to take things easy. He let everything get him aggravated. Because I knew his health was not in good shape, I wouldn't tell him things so he wouldn't get upset. I tried to stay around him like always.

I wouldn't even go out to events and places, just because I didn't want to leave him alone.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Grieving and Coping

I will be updating on how this nasty, dirty, and slippery Grieving road goes by.

Grieving is the worst type of shit hole the spirit finds itself in. It is the meanest, weakest place to find yourself in. It  fucking suck you right back in, just when you thought that you were doing better and getting out of it. Really, this is the worse stage where any human being can be.

I take it one day at the time. My mind changed drastically, my personality, everything. I lost myself, I don't know who I really am sometimes, because I would do things that I wouldn't be expecting of doing. I became careless, fearless, courageous and so on.

The emotional roller coaster of the grieving process is horrible. I had not taken any therapy just yet, but found ways of coping with my pain that I will share as I go, in the hopes that it can help others as well. I don't follow a pattern or rule, in everything I do, I just do as I feel. If something doesn't feel right, I just don't do it, and I just stop caring much about what others will think of me, because by now, I don't need the approval. You see, in my view, if you loose the most important person in your life, you just don't give a fuck about nothing else pretty much, so that makes me a dangerous person to mess with. I lost my tolerance for bullshit and people who waste my time. Meaning that, if someone knows what they are supposed to do, just fucking do it, don't try to make my life harder because you know what, my life is hard as hard can be, I don't need one more stupid person trying to make it any worse. So I base my decisions on that, You are either tough enough to ride along with me or you just gotta go.

It is a my weakest point, where I can bring the best out of me. I am a woman on fire. That fire is just there underneath, ready to pop and burn when it is needed.

It takes to loose someone you deeply care and love, to be able to understand another grieving person. I had never ever lost someone I love in my life. This time is my turn, shit does it hurts, it hurt more than hell you if ask me to define it. So yeah, loosing someone you love is sort of experiencing hell on earth, that is how I can best define it. I can also relate better and understand when someone else tells me that they lost someone.

The pain is so bad, that I can only remember of a similar pain when I was about 5 years old, when my father left my mom, he came to America, and I didn't get to see him for many years. Except, that the pain is worst now, because, I really loved John above all. We had 19 plus years together, and we shared a lot of it together, we were friends, we talked and talked all the time.

Another worst shitty part of the Grieving is realizing that not only  I don't have my partner and companion next to me, is that I can't talk to him anymore, so that is pretty bad, to realized that he is not here, that we can't talk, argue or yell at each other, the Muteness of  death is devastating, really. Sometimes, I doubt if I am gonna make it past the first year without John. Not that I am afraid of it. That is the natural way, in many long term relationship, when one dies, the other partner dies.

I did had 2 days that I didn't eat while he was in the hospital, I couldn't eat for nothing, the smell of food made me sick, I was so sad that I could not eat. So, I can surely say that 2 days without food is not bad, I am still here, I didn't die.

While I have a very busy life with work, my pets, and sons to provide love, and support, there are moments of quiet time, when I miss John the most. On the nights that I was feeling dead sick in pain, I would go into a bar, have a beer and listen to live music, that was the best way for me to numb the pain for the moment. I did all the meditation I could, still doing the meditation, however, there was something my spirit needed and meditation was not enough. I started to practice muay thai.

In my experience, Muay Thai did it, it gave me the mental balance that I was looking for. For some reason, all the hard work and exercise of the fighting technique has helped me to feel very confident and great about my body while getting in shape at the same time. Is it easy, no, the working out hurts physically a lot, but when you have emotional pain, the physical pain feels like a minor pain.

2 1/2 months into grieving. The first month I was like this is something natural we all gonna die. Well, now, reality has hit me hard. Many nights, I end up crying until I fall asleep. In the day, I am fine, I work and function normal, enjoy life, at night, I get sad, angry, and cry. Time heals, I just don't know how much time will be for me to feel at least 90% okay. Sometimes, I think I won't make it pass the first year of living without John. Sometimes, I do wish to die and be with him.

The hardest part is coping is the reality of not having my best friend, my true friend, my companionship. I am a lost bird. I was the caged bird who learned to love the cage. 

By the 4th month, I fell under the grieving spell again. It was the worst I felt so far. I hurt deeply and I was shocked out of my mind to realized that as the time past, it hurts more. I really thought that by this time I was going to be just fine and that was not the case. The pain really, really hurt. I guess that while doing new things, the mind tend to go back and check well, when he was here, this never happened and things were just fine. My reality is not always as I want it to be or things don't go the way  I expect it to be, so that really I am lol know, but I really hit it down, my mind, body and soul so deep hurt that I felt myself turning into dust. So many times, I feel dead, so many times I feel that I am actually dying, so many time, I doubt it I am going to make it to pass a year without John. I still feel like I am going to die at any moment. I can have everything in balance, everything in order, still John is not here and he is gone. The void created by death is the highest price to pay.

John was 12 days in the hospital. Those 12 days of suffering, I only missed one day that I didn't go see him because I had to run get a Therapy section of Reiki. I could not miss one day after that. I was there everyday after work. One day, I was in so much pain that when I got to the front receptionist, I broke in tears, I could not even pronounce his name so she could give me a name tag to go upstairs. I think that getting hit with a bullet would had hurt less. The receptionist was so understanding that she passed me a piece of paper so I could write his name. I guess, receptionist are used to people coming so broken to the hospital frequently. We don't know how lucky we are just by being healthy. There was so much pain, tears, and suffering in that hospital unit. I still get frequent flash back of those days in the hospital.

We see this kind of things in movies, someone getting hurt and being unconscious in the hospital and it is nothing like that in real life, to see a love one in that condition in the hospital, is not something that anyone can just deal with. In a way, I wished to die as well, the only thing that kept me here was our sons. I can only now understand that kind of pain of loosing a love one, now with my lost. Before that, I could not really understand other people's pain, that kind of pain, is just different to any other pain that a person can experience in their live.